[22 Apr 2005|12:35pm] i have moooved. add it __kindofgirl adious adieu au revoir speak

[18 Apr 2005|02:26pm] im getting so lazy with updating. maybe its because nothing is happening. maybe i just cant be bothered anymore. i saw sean on saturday, for the first time in quite a while. it was lovely, non-eventful, but lovely, and hes lovely and i like him far too much for someone who is supposed to only be a friend. but that is what i am good at, complicating the things that are meant to be easy and nice and simple. so we watched takeshi's castle and him and stevie played football games on their computer thing and we all got a bit stoned, and people kept coming and going, and i couldnt keep up with all the names. but it was nice, just sitting, doing nothing. then i went to meet marianne and we got on a bus and got lost and it was freezing, all biting cold, so we got on another bus and went back to town, and wandered a bit. see nothing to say. this is becoming very useless very quickly. 3 watched &speak

[11 Apr 2005|01:30pm] i feel weak i dont really know what is wrong. my heart feels fluttery, not in a nice way, in a scary way. i havent been treating myself right. drinking too much, smoking too much, not eating or sleeping enough. i dreamt about neil last night and today im wearing the scarf that reminds me of him, reminds me how he fell asleep in the chair in the front room with it wrapped around him, while me and cathryn went to get more gin and vodka from her house. and how sweet he looked when we got back, sleeping. and how i begged cathryn not to mess this one up. but she did anyway last night i dreamt he called to tell me he was sorry, really, sincerely sorry. i dont know why i still think of him sometimes. 2 watched &speak

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